Beautifully Depressing (Natepat)
by followinchorus2.0
Summary: Colors are normally used to describe feelings, but what if they described how much we felt from the day we were born? The amount of feeling you have is based on the color you receive when you are a child. Ranging from red (the most), pink, orange, yellow, green, blue, gray, and black (being no emotion at all.) Such a crazy world.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Gray (Nate's POV)**

I waved his hand over my mom's eyes to see if she was still asleep. She was. That was good. I liked it when she slept. No room for judgment, just room for me to be myself.

I walked out of the room shutting the door lightly, before walking to my room and falling on my bed rather loudly. I hated being a gray. The walls of my room, the clothes I wear, the moods I feel, I hate them all. I would do anything to be anything other than a gray, even a black. No feeling was better than having so little it kills you inside, right?

At some point with me thinking these things, I had begun to cry, rather loudly. This was a new emotion now, that made number four. I had been gaining emotions more since my brother left for college. He was super strict around me feeling anything, mom too, but him especially.

I clutch a pillow to my body and curl up into a ball on my bed. What's the point in feeling if the only things you get to experience are hate, anger, sadness, and what I'm starting to see develop, lust. Don't ask how I can just feel it in my body.

Before I had begun to gain new emotions, I was only able to be happy to a certain degree. The most we could do as grays was to smile, that's it. The rest of our personalities as dull as an unpainted canvas. A blank slate, with maybe a few streaks of paint to show some character, but nothing people would be immediately drawn too. Nobody ordinary anyway.

I stop my thinking very abruptly when I hear a loud knock on the door, I begin to freak out. Did she hear me? That was all that coursed through my head. I steadied my breathing quickly before responding. "Yes?" I said, still wavering, but not noticeable.

"What's going on Nate I hope you weren't crying because that's sure what it sounded like." She said seriously, I gulped. "No, it was just a recording on my phone that I'm using for school. Just checking it over to make sure it's all set." This lie flowed out of my brain like words on a page, oddly smooth. She seemed to drop the situation.

"Breakfast is in the kitchen, your father brought food." She said in a monotone hush, shuffling away from my cave of a room. I sighed, shocked with my sudden change in behavior. Must be a new emotion. God, I feel like such a pokemon, I keep evolving, then maybe one day I will be the strongest Red the world has seen. But that's wishful thinking.

I got up slowly from my spot on the bed and began to put on my usual ensemble of grey and black clothing, which was what you were required to wear as a Gray. After I throw on a shirt and pants following those guidelines, I step out of my room. I have to be cautious, she could be on to me. After a somewhat awkward encounter with my mother, I left for school, deciding that walking would best suit my arrangement of emotions today. It would give me time to think at least.

Now that I had all these feelings, I would have to be extra careful at hiding them, no one could know. It was possible to change colors, but if you did you would be disowned by any family of the same original color as you.

As much as I want to share all the new found revelations I've come too, I would just have to keep it under wraps for a little while longer. I heard people ahead of me, the same people that walk precisely 20 paces ahead of me on a daily basis. I think one's name is Jason and the others are Matthew or something like that, we go to the same school, but I never see them during the day.

My phone rang viciously in my pocket when I was about three minutes from school, and it doesn't surprise me who it is either. Stephanie. "Steph, I promise I'll be there in like 3 minutes," I said, a small smile tugging at my lips as Stephanie barely acknowledged his statement and began to talk about her crush, Chris, who was a Green. Stephanie was the most outgoing pink I had ever met in my lifetime. We met at a park of all places. She wanted to swing on the swing I was moping on after a long day, but I wouldn't give it to her. It was then I developed my surge for anger. She noticed this and tried to calm me down. After she figured out how to do that, we became best friends and have been since.

After I watched the supposed Matthew and Jason walk into the school, Stephanie ran right up to me and began to question my health. I just kept telling her that I'm fine and that I'm still not comfortable showing my true emotions in public yet.

She understands or at least says she does. I gazed longingly at the door, not even listening to her anymore, and without knowledge, I was looking that way in the first place. What the hell is my brain doing to me?

And you see my wonderful host, this is what lust is. Now you have to figure out who it's towards.

The voice. It's back. It left since I had gotten my sadness feature and is now back to taunt me about my new lust emotion. He was giving me someone to feed off of until I grew tired of abusing this one too. It's a constant cycle, but I think the people that control how our brains work do it on purpose. Maybe just to make sure if she wants to gain any sort of feeling, we're gonna have to go through hell to get it. Doesn't surprise me though… so I muster up all courage in my body and think back.

Game on bitch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Red (Matt's POV)**

Waking up to the sound of my brothers arguing was always something I would consider normal in my life. I sat up in my bed rather fast, Jason's walking me to school. That means I have, I glance over at the clock, my eyes widen.

5 minutes until he gets here. Dammit, Jason why are you such an early bird?!

I shot up from the bed and threw on the first shirt in sight, a red long sleeve. After I threw on my jeans and made sure my hair looked presentable, I brushed my teeth quickly before running out the door just as he was coming to knock. "Wow… you look, winded." Jason said, pulling his head back. He was a yellow, and it was commonly known for yellows to express blunt opinions, but I'm used to it by now.

"Yeah, I-I um just woke up," I panted a little, "like 5 minutes ago," I said walking out the door completely and dragging him to the sidewalk.

"How's your little crush going?" Jason asked smirking. I buried my face in my one free hand, blushing furiously. "Is he behind us?" I asked hushed.

I saw Jason look behind me non-suspiciously. He shook his head yes. I don't know what it is, but the mysterious Gray that walked to school, very close to them every single day really caught my eye. I've never been close enough to talk, we never see each other in the day, otherwise, I'm convinced I would have already made my move by now.

I breathed in deeply, changing my walking pattern, as I was now insecure about my posture. Jason laughed at my obvious nervousness, I hid my face in my hands, picking up my stride to the school. We were about 3 minutes away when I heard a phone ring.

It was Nate's. He got to hear him talk.

*Small time skip because I'm lazy*

As I entered the school I could feel Nate's eyes burning into my back and I turned and smiled widely, before running into the door. My glasses fell off, I jumped to pick them up, blushing. I waved before I could meet his gaze before turning around and entering the school.

I'm just going to have to man up at some point. He may be a gray, but he was my gray.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Gray**

Breathing is something I have to constantly remind myself to do. As I search for the person my lust is supposedly geared towards, I was holding in a breathe I forgot I was holding. As I let it out, I heard someone gasp about 10 feet behind me. I turned around to see what it was about to see the boy that walked in front of me. Yeah, his name was definitely Matthew; he looked like one.

"What?" I said, not irritated, but cautious at his sudden appearance. "I almost ran into you." He said though I couldn't distinguish a certain emotion. "You wouldn't have gasped if that was the case," I said smiling slyly.

His face flushed. _That's him, Nathan._

"N-no well, I guess y-you're right." He crossed his arms, knocking his head to the side to rest on his shoulder. I think back to the voice. _Well, he is kind of adorable. But he would know my secret._

I smiled a real smile before turning and walking away from him, I heard him say oh my god in the background and I smiled probably more than I should have.

I was being suspicious. Why did I immediately feel attracted? Matt couldn't be the person his brain was seemingly desperate to find. Matt was a Red, there was no way that could happen. But his fate persisted. _Nathan, that's the boy. You have to fall in love with him, or you will die with nobody._

My brain was one for dramatics. I sighed, walking into my English class.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Red**

I screamed in my head as I turned around and slowly walked to the bathroom. Right now was no time for learning. As I opened the door I noticed Mark, Nate's best friend, on the phone. I hid behind the divider and gently let the door close.

 **M- So it just keeps telling you to go for it?**

 **N- That's exactly what it wants me to do**

 **M- Give me a minute, no one else is here do you care if I put you on speaker?**

 **N- No**

I sucked in a breathe silently.

 **M- Can you hear me?**

 **N- Loud and clear**

 **M- Good… now finish telling me the story**

 **N- It was Matt**

 **M- Ooo, that boy you like**

Mark laughed and I could mentally see Nate blushing. I put my head in my hands, my face gaining some shade of red. I stayed silent.

 **N- *huff* Yes**

 **M- So are you going to listen to the calling, or are you going to let your sleeping beauty walk away?**

Mark moved to where Matt was visible, he scrambled to hide. Luckily Mark didn't notice.

 **N- He doesn't like me, Mark, how could he?**

He is displaying a lot of emotion for a gray. This should have thrown up red flags in my mind immediately, but I continued on.

 **M- I'm sure he feels the same Nate**

 **N- Yeah, but it's very unlikely**

After I heard Nate say that, I whipped my head around the divider and walked over to mark Mark. He was going to yell when he saw it was me and his eyes widened.

 **N- Mark?**

 **Matt- Hey Nate**

 **N- Matt is that you?**

 **Matt- Guilty :)**

 **N- H-how much did you hear?**

 **Mark- All of it… he heard all of it**

 **Matt- Go out with me later?**

 **N-Umm, yeah sure where?**

 **Matt- Just meet me outside after school, by the gym doors.**

 **N- M'kay**

 **Matt- Bye Doll**

I then handed Mark back his phone and strutted out of the bathroom.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Gray**

I could not focus on the lesson for the rest of the class, let alone rest of the day. Focusing on work was not of priority to me, I had so many emotions flowing through me. Which was like two, happiness and lust. Of course.

After my teacher finished talking and left us to our daily homework assignment, I tossed it aside and laid my head on the table, glaring at the clock on the far wall.

 **2:45**

Good, we got out in 15 minutes. But that was a lot of time to think of what could go wrong. I sighed, pulling out my computer and beginning to work on my history project.

Before I know it, the bell is sounding through the speakers. I grab all my things rather quickly and practically run through the halls to where we were to meet in front of the school.

When I get through the doors, I see Matt sitting on the bench about 20 feet away, glaring elsewhere. I walked up silently, he got me once, maybe I could embarrass him this time. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. What a bold move, even I'm shocked at my confidence.

I felt him tense up, but when he sees me he smiles. "Hey, Nate." He said falling back in my arms. I continued my grip. "Hey, Matt." Then we just stood there in each other's arms for what felt like hours but was really about three minutes. "Wanna go get coffee?" He finally asked, opening his eyes and looking at me.

"Yeah, that sounds great." I smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Red**

My brain went thousands of different places when I was asking him out. I had no idea how this would go, but I was more than willing to give it a shot. And apparently so was he. We walked hand in hand to the nearest coffee shop to the school, a small cafe called Melanie's.

When we both ordered and sat down in a far corner, we began to strike up a conversation, as you do on a first date. Is that what this is? After talking about our favorite video games for a while, he eventually brought up the elephant in the room.

"So what made you um… realize the f-feelings you had, you know, towards me?" He said staring into his cup. God, he was adorable.

"If I'm being completely honest, I fell in love with the fact that I knew you could feel more than you let on. I find it stunningly adorable. Even when you get mad," I smiled, grabbing his hand from across the table, " and your looks too, you're such a hottie."

He blushed a deep shade of red, hiding his face behind his hands.

"Really?"

"Yes, of course, and what about you?"

I kissed his hand softly.

"Something just felt too right about you." He smiled, taking a drink with his other hand. "Well, do you know that something?" I cocked my head to the side. "Well… you're super adorable, and you are very, very flattering."

"I'm glad you noticed," I giggled out. "And I'm glad we're here together." He both looked at each other lovingly, before beginning to talk about some of our favorite TV shows we've gotten into recently.

"Let's take a walk," I suggested, I was getting quite uncomfortable sitting in the cafe for so long. "Sure." He agreed and we walked out the door, finding each other's hands instinctively. We walked in silence, basking in the sun that shone over the rooftops of downtown Grayson. We walked like this until Nate found a park that had swings on it.

"Can we swing?" He said like a small child, quietly, though I don't know why. "Of course beautiful… but you have to race me first." I bolted for the swingset, he yelped and I heard fast footsteps come up behind me. Man, he was fast. He scooped me up in his arms and I screamed playfully. "No one can outrun me," He said before realizing the position we stood in, blushing profusely, though he didn't put him down.

I put my hand on his chest the best I could. He had a thinking look in his eye before leaning in for a kiss. I was shocked at first but urged him to continue with my mouth, no words. We kissed like this for minutes on end, in the middle of a public park. After we let go, he just pulled me to his chest tighter, before finally walking us to the beloved swing sets we were destined for in the first place. He rested his awestruck head on the metal chains before looking at me and smiling even wider, if that's possible before saying,

"So tell me a lot about yourself beautiful… I want to know everything."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Gray**

After he told me all about his family and his dad not being there, it never really occurred to me then, that when they said Red's can feel everything, that meant hurt too.

I hugged him the best I could and let him cry. Then he told me some funny story about how his brother's had tried to get him to play basketball, but it had just resulted in a broken arm. They were in college now.

I kept nodding and keeping my full attention on him because that's what he needed in that vulnerable moment. He needed reassurance that I would be there for him and that I wouldn't leave as his dad did.

"Your turn… talk to me," he said after pulling back from the hug and wiping his tears. "Well, there's not much. I mean, I'm not allowed to feel things in my house. My brother always bullied me into hiding what I really feel, and since he's left for college they've been starting to show… you know… through," I shrugged sadly, "my dad was never really there either, and my stepfather sucks… you," I pointed in his direction, dropping my hand to grab his tightly, "are the only person I've felt comfortable enough to show them with."

Matt had let fresh tears seep out of his eyes, not out of pity, but knowledge of the struggles he's faced. It was beautifully depressing. And now it was my turn to feel vulnerable.

"And even with him gone, I feel completely trapped in my own mind. Like if I share my brighter colored tendencies, then I may be disowned, you know, by my color." Matt understood completely, I could see it on his face.

"But you love me right?" Matt said softly looking down to his lap. "Of course… I never knew it would be something I could feel, but I like it and want it to stay." He looked up, his face looking relieved.

"Well, I'm glad it's with me."

"Me too, princess." Matt smiled… he must like the nickname. I sure hope he does, cause it fits him perfectly.


End file.
